Democrat president elect Barack Obama has called for massive intervention by the federal government in virtually every aspect of American life. Today he announced a new campaign to shore up the "morally bankrupt" rap and hip/hop industries.
Democrat president elect Barack Obama has called for massive intervention by the federal government in virtually every aspect of American life. Today he announced a new campaign to shore up the "morally bankrupt" rap and hip/hop industries.
"Middle America, you're hoarding all of the decency in this country. As your next president, I demand that you shell out some of that and 'spread the politeness.'"
Obama pointed out that rap and hip/hop industries - two aspects of America that gave him unilateral support - are dying out because of "folks killin' and shootin' each other all to Hell."
He added: "In my home city of Chicago, recently a little innocent boy named Julian King was killed. He was the nephew of Jennifer Hudson. That's just not right. Now, I've bragged about being a community organizer and my city is now the murder capital of America. But it's not because I told a fib about all the great things I did. No, it's because of the Bush Decency Plan! It's your fault, Dubya!"
So under the Decency Act of 2009, "white, gun-toting, God-fearing Americans - basically anybody who didn't vote for me - will have to pony up their values for the greater good."
A reporter asked Obama if this wasn't actually natural selection at work. In other words, if violence glorifying rap artists wanted to kill each other, then maybe they'd all end up dead and the problem would solve itself.
"What? How dare you question me. I'm Barack Obama, mutha fucka!" Obama then produced a Desert Eagle Magnum. Witnesses say he "put a cap in that skinny white boy's ass."
Obama also announced another new initiative. On the heels of the successful "What Would Jesus Do?" program, he showed reporters a new bracelet: "WWTSD? - What would Tupac Shakur do?"