In a development that met with more relief than shock, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama cancelled his bid for the White House.At a press conference, Obama stated, "I'm sorry I wasted all of your time. It was never my intention to be taken seriously as a candidate for the most important job in the world."
When asked what brought on his "prank" campaign, Obama cited an episode of "The Brady Bunch." Apparently, one night, Obama and "some homies" were "kickin' it, smokin' Mother Nature" and watching "Nick At Nite."
"Remember the time everybody had Jan convinced she had a date to the prom with the star quarterback? We was, like, laughin' really hard at it."
Then someone suggested Obama run for president. Another guy said, "It's so crazy it just might work!"
Initially, Obama tried to blame the media. "I told you guys I visited 'all 57 states' and that we needed 'more Arabic translators in Afghanistan,' but y'all just kept on buying it. I was about to bust out laughing when I said those things. You just didn't get the joke."
"So finally I said I was going to give a tax cut to 95% of all Americans. Everybody knows - even my personal concierge and that dude who cuts my hair - that only about 40% of Americans even pay income tax."
When the media didn't question this obvious lie, Obama says he knew his prank was out of control.
Obama reassured everybody that his 30-minute primetime special was still on. "But now, it'll feature Beyonce's fine ass, plus an infomercial for some cleaner spray stuff."
Obama was asked about the millions of dollars he's taken in campaign contributions. He replied, "Umm." Then he looked away and mumbled something about "mowing some extra lawns."
Stumping in battleground states, Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden defended Obama's remarks, saying, "What Sen. Obama meant to say is, we're gonna change America and the world in our first 15 minutes in office! Yeah!"
The McCain camp reacted mildly. On the campaign trail, Sen. John McCain, the republican nominee, said, "Sen. Obama is an honorable man who I just disagree with..." Then, a reporter reminded McCain that Obama admitted his campaign was a fake. McCain sighed and said, "Oh man, that's a relief." McCain then promised swift punishment of Obama. "He'll be grounded in his million-dollar mansion and won't be allowed to play with Bill Ayers or Tony Rezko."
Obama responded, "That's, like, so totally unfair."
Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin wondered aloud, "Do you like these shoes?"